You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I like how our relationship transcends the borders of inappropriateness and encompasses all the colors of the inappropriate rainbow.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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