8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I AM VODKA MAN
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'd like to buy a season pass to your dick please.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
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