Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
Randomize
