She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
