so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
how do flat chested girls get laid?
She threw up a whole curly fry. A. WHOLE. CURLY. FRY.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Randomize
