It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
Listen, she cheated on him first. I've known both of them since we were 12. They have no secrets from me. And yes, as a matter of fact, I absolutely did enjoy screaming out his name into his, soon to be, ex wife's pillow.
Randomize
