I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
