I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
Randomize
