That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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