Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
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