C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
