1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Randomize
