Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
When I try to close my eyes ibwant to puke. Going to the basement to watch pocohantas. That'll keep myeyes open. And puke free.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
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