You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
Randomize
