Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
You know your late night booty call was a huge fail when you go back to your car after it's over, and it's still warm.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
i had sex with a girl named after a fruit last night and it was the best thing to happen to me in 2020
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