when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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