Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
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