Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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