My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
My mouth taste like pussy and my dad noticed. Hahahaha
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
