I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
