Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
