Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
I think i peed on brittanys purse
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Apparently 'check out this motherfucker' is not an appropriate greeting to use in the vicinity of sitting united states senators. Who knew
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Everyone called me "Barf Vader".. And I lost your lightsaber.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Well when you come back we can have a huge bitch fit...or get really drunk....whichever comes first
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
