I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize
