can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
