Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
