the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
