We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
