He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
