so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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