Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
