Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
Randomize
