Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
