carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
