plz talk dirty to me
i don't like sucking hair
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Randomize
