do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
We always say that. And then its 4am and someone is screaming at strippers.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
He literally poured blue Gatorade on me after we had sex and said "good game" all over my white sheets
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
Randomize
