Your mouth is God's brothel.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
