And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
I just laughed so hard that my back cracked so hard that I thought I was cumming. Magic
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
