I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Let's get the cat blown out
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
