I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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