I reached in my backpack to pull out my laptop. I found my bottle of Jack and 2 bottles of Coke. It's going to be a good class.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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