"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Randomize
