i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Let's get the cat blown out
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
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