I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
you know its getting late when the "nevers" are turning into "maybe"
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
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