took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
