So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Man the liquor store just wrong numbered me, its a sign even god wants me to drink
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
