jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
Strippers tramp stamp says "mom"
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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