i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
Randomize
