I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
