there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I think my moral compass just broke
We're like a married couple, but we only have sex on college holidays and other people's birthdays.
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