Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
