RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I booked us a cruise for November. Lose 20 pounds and don't cheat on me before then.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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