Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I currently don't understand fingers.
Randomize
