Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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