I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
People kept wishing me happy birthday last night. apparently i was 21st birthday drunk
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
Randomize
