just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
You can come over but I have to warn you that it is naked Sunday.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
